🔗 Share this article

Encountering refusal, especially when it occurs frequently, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is declining your work, delivering a definite “Not interested.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I started pitching story ideas 50 years back, upon college graduation. Over the years, I have had several works turned down, along with article pitches and many essays. Over the past 20 years, specializing in personal essays, the refusals have multiplied. On average, I receive a rejection every few days—adding up to over 100 each year. In total, denials in my profession number in the thousands. By now, I might as well have a master’s in rejection.

But, does this seem like a woe-is-me outburst? Absolutely not. Because, finally, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with rejection.

How Have I Accomplished This?

Some context: By this stage, just about every person and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never tracked my success rate—that would be very discouraging.

For example: recently, an editor turned down 20 articles one after another before approving one. Back in 2016, at least 50 publishing houses rejected my manuscript before a single one gave the green light. Later on, 25 literary agents declined a nonfiction book proposal. One editor even asked that I send my work less often.

My Phases of Setback

When I was younger, all rejections hurt. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my work being rejected, but myself.

No sooner a submission was rejected, I would begin the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, shock. Why did this occur? How could they be blind to my ability?
• Next, denial. Maybe they rejected the wrong person? This must be an mistake.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who appointed you to decide on my efforts? You’re stupid and their outlet stinks. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, irritation at the rejecters, then self-blame. Why do I put myself through this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, pleading (often seasoned with optimism). What will it take you to see me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, despair. I’m no good. Additionally, I can never become successful.

So it went for decades.

Notable Examples

Certainly, I was in good company. Tales of authors whose work was initially declined are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was initially spurned. If they could overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his youth squad. Many US presidents over the recent history had been defeated in elections. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his script for Rocky and attempt to star were turned down 1,500 times. He said rejection as an alarm to wake me up and persevere, rather than retreat,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

Then, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I achieved the seventh stage of setback. Acceptance. Now, I grasp the multiple factors why an editor says no. To begin with, an editor may have already featured a comparable article, or have something underway, or simply be contemplating something along the same lines for a different writer.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my submission is not appealing. Or the reader thinks I am not qualified or stature to be suitable. Or is no longer in the field for the wares I am submitting. Or was busy and scanned my work too fast to recognize its quality.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Any work can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Many explanations for denial are forever not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Some aspects are under your control. Admittedly, my ideas and work may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and impact, or the point I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Or something about my grammar, particularly semicolons, was annoying.

The key is that, despite all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve authored multiple works—the initial one when I was in my fifties, the next, a personal story, at older—and in excess of 1,000 articles. Those pieces have appeared in newspapers big and little, in local, national and global outlets. My first op-ed ran in my twenties—and I have now contributed to various outlets for five decades.

Yet, no blockbusters, no book signings publicly, no spots on popular shows, no presentations, no honors, no big awards, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more readily take no at my age, because my, admittedly modest achievements have eased the stings of my frequent denials. I can afford to be philosophical about it all at this point.

Valuable Setbacks

Rejection can be educational, but only if you listen to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will probably just keep taking rejection the wrong way. What teachings have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What